It’s Tuesday evening, and it is remarkably peaceful at this very moment. The crickets are chirping outside, the refrigerator is humming low, and the only other noise is the sound of my keys typing these words.
There is so much I wish to say, so much I wish to do. So many things swirling around in my head that I forget what it is I was about to do simply because I get distracted thinking about everything else that is about to happen. I even took a nap when I got home in an attempt to reset my brain and bring clarity, but all it did was make me look ahead even more.
And so I continue to wait. I don’t know how long this waiting will take, and in an ironic sense, that is what brings me peace tonight.
I’ve started the course that will assist me in studying for my next license. I have a lot to retain over the next few weeks, but I remain optimistic. Due to space constraints at work, I am being moved from my current office to a cubicle next to the kitchen. It’s not the most practical location for me, and it sure will provide challenges for the conference calls I need to participate in. I also could use another pair of noise cancelling headphones to help me get in my groove and focus on the work, but that costs money that I really don’t want to spend right now. I’m saving for trips to help me mentally recharge and relax, to keep my sanity. I would also love to pickup a new iPad to replace mine from 2011, pickup a drone, a new DSLR camera body, and perhaps even an Apple Watch Series 2. But right now I’m trying to save and max out my contributions to my retirement funds because it’s all about the Time Value of Money and investments!!
I also have no idea how I can get done all the projects at work that I need to do. Being a department of one for an organization of 1,100+ employees is definitely challenging. As much as I would love (and could certainly use) additional FTEs to help distribute the workload and increase productivity, I realize that isn’t going to happen with our current leadership. It’s in times like these that I find it difficult to maintain the appropriate optimism: I know that I have a tremendous opportunity and am gaining incredible experience that would be difficult to find elsewhere. I should be grateful for that, and while I want to believe that I am, I also have doubt. The entire organization & system is also in tremendous flux with restructuring and no one really knows what the next few months have in store for any of us. What disappoints me the most is that I see the potential for such incredible work, the potential for so many things we could change and do better. So many things I want to and know I can do to help improve the organization, but the individuals calling the shots have made it clear that that is not a reality I will be afforded.
And so I wait. Wait for the days to pass by, wait for the fog to lift, wait for the scene to reveal itself.
As I also wait to see how several other wishes may play out over the last few months of this year, I stop to ponder what I may learn from this waiting. They say that patience is a virtue, and I must say it is one with which I wish I had a better relationship. Yet waiting, though at moments seemingly unbearable to endure, does allow us to experience the greatest gift we may ever be granted: clarity. It helps us appreciate what we do have, what we don’t have, and what is necessary in our lives. If we are willing to accept it, waiting points us on the path we may not have seen otherwise. It allows us to discover new opportunities and explore our creative minds. Waiting may actually enhance our lives more than we are willing to admit, for once our waiting is over, we know exactly what it is that we want and who it is that we want there by our side, embracing every moment of the journey.
No one said waiting would be easy. No one said the journey to achieve our dreams would be clear. But that’s the beauty of this life: our futures are determined by the moments we choose to act and by the moments in which we choose to wait. If you’re in the waiting phase, don’t sit and stare at the walls! Search for other areas of opportunity where you can learn and lay a foundation for other potential avenues. Discover new or hidden talents you didn’t know brought you so much joy! Find those activities that give back to your community and give you a sense of purpose.
Because waiting doesn’t have to be about inaction, and the sooner we all recognize the empowering effect of active waiting, the greater impact we will have on not only ourselves, but also the world.